Alcohol Humor product reviews Satire Slurred Words

10 Awesome Christmas Flasks Fit For Santa

If your job was to manage thousands of factory workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 364 days of the year in order to make millions of deliveries in 1 night, wouldn’t you need to drink? Don’t tell the children, but we are pretty sure Santa Claus is a drinker. Of course, if he openly drank in public, his reputation would be destroyed. That’s why we are 79% certain Santa utilizes Christmas flasks, and we are 96% sure he would use the ones below.

1. Big Santa is Watching You

Can you imagine living the life of a magical Christmas being that enforces good behavior? You have to constantly watch every person in the world drink and/or getting drunk. While some of it is hilarious, I’m sure, most of it is probably mind-numbing. Surely, it is enough to drive a magical being to drink as well.


2. Santa Loves Science

We would imagine that this is one of the flasks that would be used during gift transport. Why? Children have small brains that cannot possibly comprehend something like the chemical composition of alcohol. They would have no idea what’s going on.


3. Hung With Care

This one takes action on your part. Forget the stupid cookies and milk. If you want the good stuff, you’re going to have to give the good stuff. Leave this out the night before Christmas, and increase your high-end gift acquisition by 72%.

4. Bottoms Up!

This one shows that the jolly fat man is just like the rest of us. How many times have you had too much to drink, and fell head first into a chimney? I bet more times than you can count.


5. The King

Because every being, imaginary or not, likes Elvis. Yes, even 1970s Elvis that was more amphetamine than man.


6. ‘Tis the Season

Because jolly and tipsy basically mean the same thing.


7. Feel the Spirit

Because Santa loves wordplay.


8. A Helping “Hand”

Who is going to want to assist a fat guy breaking into millions of homes in the middle of the night? You? No? I thought so. Let the man drink.


9. Ugly Sweater Contest

This is just because it’s not the holidays if every man, woman, child, and drinking vessel isn’t wearing an ugly sweater at some point in time.


10. Holy Sip!

Of course, you have to give a shout out to the man that started it all.


Merry Christmas Flasks, everyone!


About the author

The Lady Wine Gifted

My name is Jessica Trejo, and I'm not afraid to admit that I drink. That's why I'm Wine Gifted. I like talking and writing about wine and drinking!

Leave a Comment