Satire Slurred Words Wine Humor

Another Progress Report On Wine Gifted

For those of you that have been following Wine Gifted, you know that I like to provide an update of our progress every couple of months or so. Well, it’s that time again. We are a couple of months into the Year of the Monkey (that’s right, I keep track of the Chinese calendar…when it’s the Year of the Monkey…because I was born in it), so it’s time to break down what’s going on.

Wine consumed: I have ramped up my wine consumption 260% since my last report. Why such an increase? The demand from the client (a.k.a. me) is up, and I wouldn’t be a good business person if I didn’t oblige.

Being on the Facebook: I still spend a lot of time on Facebook, and just learned some exciting news. Recently, they redesigned their “Like” button, and added “Reactions” (emojis for love, haha, wow, sad, angry, and Wine Gifted). Okay, maybe that last one is not real, but I’m pretty sure it will be when Mark Zuckerberg opens one of the 6,050 letters I’ve sent him. You can’t ignore me, MARK!


Being on the Twitter: Okay, so I have to admit, I’ve been Tweet neglectful lately. I’m sure people have not been able to sleep not knowing what I am up to every day. (No matter what I do, I end up causing hundreds to suffer from generalized anxiety disorders.)

Being on the Instagram: I’ve taken so many pictures of drinks and food, that I think it’s time to offer my services to the industry. You hear that, purveyors of food and alcohol?! I’m available for hire. I charge by the half hour plus iPhone film expenses. I also get to consume whatever I am photographing.


Time spent on the computer: 1 light-year. That’s right. I’ve spent so much time on the computer, that I’m no longer using a measurement of time…only astronomical distances. If you’re not a scientific genius like me (by “science”, I mean “Wikipedia reading”), I’ll explain…the amount of time I have spent on the computer is equal to traveling 6 trillion miles.

Money: $56.57 for 11 months. I’ve turned the full amount into dimes and nickels, so I can jump into it like a pool. Filthy and terribly uncomfortable…yes. But it makes me feel rich when I am clearly not.

Self confidence: I feel so good about my pool of $56.57, that I put on a pair of pants today, and took a trip to the grocery store. Did you know that they package butter now?! I’ve been churning cream like a sucker.

As always, it’s time for the disclaimer: my numbers might be slightly inaccurate. I’ve hired a kindergartner to do my math for me…I’ve been way too busy churning butter.

About the author

The Lady Wine Gifted

My name is Jessica Trejo, and I'm not afraid to admit that I drink. That's why I'm Wine Gifted. I like talking and writing about wine and drinking!

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