Satire Slurred Words Wine Humor

Progress Report On Wine Gifted.

Over the last couple of months, I have been dedicating a lot of my time to all things Wine Gifted. What this means is I have been drinking a decent amount of wine for the purpose of research and development (whether I personally like wine or not is irrelevant, and it is NOT because I have any kind of drinking problem.) It also means that I have been spending a lot more time on the social media (is that what they call it? The social media?) Anyway, I decided now would be a good time to provide a brief report on my progress.
Wine glass filled with dollar bills
Wine consumed: As of today, there have been 217,457 bottles of wine consumed since March 17th. I have decided to melt my collection of wine bottles down to construct a greenhouse in my backyard.

Being on the Twitter: I’ve learned that there are people that have the ability to tweet every -1.5 seconds. I’m not quite sure how they are able to go back in time and tweet, but it assures that their witty comments are constant and effective.

Being on the Instagram: All I want to do is take pictures of my dog and cat. (And maybe some wine stuff too.) And maybe your cat and dog. Okay, if anyone brings their cat and dog to me, I will take pictures of them.

Being on the Facebook: I watched some monkeys groom some puppies. It was fascinating. I also may have done some “work” by posting some pictures of my cat and dog. (And maybe some wine stuff too.)

Time spent on the computer: 7,345 hours. My wrists are now fused to the keyboard of my laptop, so I am unable to do anything but type, and check my accounts on the social media.

Money: $547,245 spent. $2.60 earned. I’m going to treat myself to a french fry to celebrate.

Self confidence: Still feeling pretty good. Could it be that I am 2 glasses into a bottle of Chenin Blanc? There is no way of knowing without consulting a medical doctor, and I don’t believe in seeing doctors. We’ll never know.

It’s possible these numbers are off by a few dollars here and there, but you get the point.

About the author

The Lady Wine Gifted

My name is Jessica Trejo, and I'm not afraid to admit that I drink. That's why I'm Wine Gifted. I like talking and writing about wine and drinking!

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