Alcohol Humor News Satire

Reasons Why I am Drinking This Week

I feel this an appropriate time to tell you all what is currently causing me to partake in the consumption of alcoholic beverages.

Little Baby Newton

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you probably heard that there was a Super Bowl this past weekend. The Denver Broncos killed the Carolina Panthers. Sure, watching all the game and halftime action was entertaining; however, what was the most entertaining was watching Panthers quarterback Cam Newton have a total meltdown both throughout and after the game. This grown ass man basically turned into a little weeping baby because he didn’t get his way. Bad for his reputation, but awesome for meme making.


Political World is Being Rocked

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you probably heard that it is an election year. People are totally freaking out about the success of the anti-establishment candidates. I won’t say who I am for or against, but I will say I wish Oprah would’ve run this year. After the election, every citizen would get to look under their chair, and find a gift! (You get a job, and you get a job, and you get a job!)


Burger King Adding Hot Dogs to the Menu

Jumping from one hot topic to the next, Burger King has decided to add hot dogs to their menu. It is the biggest change to the Burger King menu since the 1970s. You might be thinking, “So what? It’s a burger joint. Hot dogs go with burgers, don’t they?” Well, you wouldn’t be saying that if you new how many people died horrific deaths when the Hot Dog King invaded the Burger King’s castle to make this happen. When you eat your hot dog, try not to get that blood on your hands all over the bun.


8-Year-Old Tries to Rob Grocery Store

That’s right…an 8-year-old child tried to rob a grocery store. The boy stole a gun from his mother’s purse, walked into a grocery store with a bike helmet on, and tried to hold up a cashier. Luckily, another employee grabbed the gun from the kid. I can’t believe an 8-year-old was smart enough to figure out how to break into a ladies’ purse. I believe those are usually protected by locks, an armed guard, and electric fences. Come on!


Designer Babies Becoming a Reality?

The British government has given the green light to researchers to start genetically modify human embryos, which involves the use of technology to alter DNA in cells. Many believe this is getting us closer to the science of designer babies. I, for one, can’t wait to be able to walk into a Gucci and/or Coach store and check out all their adorable babies.

I don’t know about you, but I could really use a drink at this moment. See you next time.

(Disclaimer: If you are living under a rock, please give me the contact info of the property management company. I’m looking for a quiet, isolated place.)

About the author

The Lady Wine Gifted

My name is Jessica Trejo, and I'm not afraid to admit that I drink. That's why I'm Wine Gifted. I like talking and writing about wine and drinking!

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