After sending our Wine Gifted scientists on a long, much needed, half expenses paid trip to the far off land of Glendale, AZ, we asked them to dust off their beakers, and hit the ground running with a brand new study. We wanted to see how the consumption of wine affected judgment when it came to wine. Our scientists observed, studied, multiplied, and manipulated data to come up with what the scientific community calls, results. Here we will discuss the findings of this shocking You will see that drinking wine does, in fact, lead to spending a lot of money on wine.
For the first phase of the experiment, researchers observed subjects in their natural habitat. A group of men and women were chosen at random, and followed as they spent an entire day wine tasting. The latest ear hole and eye seeing equipment was used to document their behaviors. In the beginning of the day, subjects were seen taking a disciplined approach to wine. Tastes were sipped, savored, and careful judgment was made as to how many bottles of wine were purchased (with the average number being 1 to 2.)
During the last half of the day, subjects were observed drinking wine as “if it were their job”. Not much attention was paid to how many bottles were purchased, nor the cost of said bottles. One
guinea pig subject confidently took out a second mortgage on his home to acquire 16 cases of ice wine. A fascinating turn of events, given he had explained in the beginning that he did not like white wine, and actually despised all sweet wines.
For the second phase of the experiment, participants were examined in a professional lab setting in the basement of our top researcher (also referred to as “Basement Dave”.) They were allowed to freely drink wine during the pre-experiment mixer. They were then divided into focus groups, and asked to taste and rate several different wines ranging from cheap to expensive in cost. (The price of each wine was disclosed to all participants.)
After completing the wine tasting, each person was forcefully instructed to purchase at least one of the wines (researchers explained to all that if wine was not purchased, the smartphones that were lifted from pockets during the pre-experiment mixer would be flushed down a filthy toilet.) 100% of subjects chose the most expensive wine, even though they could’ve very well gone with a cheaper option. In fact, 96% actually decided to go ahead and buy 22 cases of wine.
What our scientists concluded was that when one consumes wine, it immediately leads to spending a lot of money on wine. As to what it is in wine that causes such a correlation, our scientists would not theorize. We are currently waiting on a $250,000 grant in order to continue looking into the matter.