Satire Slurred Words Wine Humor

The 5 Types of Wine Drinker…Which One Are You?

Wino

Our Wine Gifted scientists were once again hard at work adding numbers in white lab coats to provide us with life or death information. Well, maybe not life or death. But still extremely important. Well, maybe not extremely. Let’s just say it’s information that’s good for eye exercise.

1. Casual Wine Drinker

casual

There are probably more of these wine drinkers than any other type. These people usually have a favorite type of wine: red or white. There’s not really a desire to spend a bunch of time studying a wine, or learning about it’s specific origins. It’s wine, and it has alcohol in it. If you like it, you drink it, and don’t make a big production about it. (Well, that is unless you drink too much of it, dance on a table, get into a fight, and/or fall asleep on a bathroom floor. That’s actually quite a production.)

2. Frugal Wine Drinker

frugal

This wine drinker doesn’t mind drinking the cheap stuff to save a few bucks. This is usually because the children are bleeding them dry. (Apparently, shoes and school supplies are more important than a really good bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon.) As such, Two Buck Chuck is usually a staple in the household, and if a guest comes over to drink wine, they better have brought another bottle to share. (If the guest brings their children, they better have brought 2 bottles.)

3. Wine-for-the-Sake-of-Wine Drinker

Wino

The mantra: If it’s wine, it’s in my mouth.

4. Professional Wine Drinker

somm

These wine drinkers are the real deal. Almost all of them get paid to drink wine. A lot of these people actually went to school to learn about wine. Some are winemakers, or their lives are all about making sure they help others have an awesome wine experience. There is an 82% chance that they will be able to take a sip of wine, and tell you what type of grape it is, where it came from, and what type of boot walked on the soil that it was grown from.

5. Show Off Wine Drinker (a.k.a. Pretentious Wine Jerk)

snob

These people may or may not know a good amount about wine. Either way, they surely act like they do, and they make sure you know that wine is kind of their thing. They may snicker at you when you order or serve a wine they don’t think is decent quality. They may also make you feel inferior for not praying to the god of wine like they do. They may or may not have a name like Jefftopher. Nonetheless, you might want to make friends with these people, because you’ll probably be drinking $50+ bottles of wines whenever you’re with them.

Whatever kind of wine drinker we are, know that Wine Gifted loves you. Now, you’ll have to excuse me. I have a dinner party to attend at Jefftohpher’s house.

About the author

The Lady Wine Gifted

My name is Jessica Trejo, and I'm not afraid to admit that I drink. That's why I'm Wine Gifted. I like talking and writing about wine and drinking!

Leave a Comment