Satire Slurred Words Wine Humor

Why My Head Exploded: Wine, Cheese, Chocolate Helps Weight Loss

Despite the fact that I am missing my head because it exploded, I am able to write this post to tell you the exciting news. Wine, cheese, and chocolate are more amazing than you thought. Both can actually help with weight loss. Do you hear me? WINE, CHEESE, AND CHOCOLATE CAN HELP WITH WIGHT LOSS.

This is no joke, and it’s not a rumor spread by an insane wine, cheese, and chocolate fanatic (a.k.a. me). A real professor did real research. Professor Tim Spector of King’s College London spoke at the Oxford Literary Festival to deliver the best news since wine, cheese, and chocolate were invented.

According to Professor Amazing, it’s not just calorie counting that is the key to weight loss. In fact, there is bacteria that is living in our guts that can help us in staying slim. There is good bacteria that comes from the specific foods that assist in digestion, fat storage, and appetite. Professor My Best Friend says that if we eat the right foods, we can produce more of this good bacteria. These right foods include the wine, cheese, and chocolate. To quote some of the wise words of Professor The Best Thing That Has Happened To Us, “Regular cheese eaters actually have less heart disease than those who don’t eat cheese, contrary to what your GP says.”

It might be worth noting that our esteemed professor has warned that processed food and the overuse of antibiotics seems to decrease the amounts of good bacteria. So the lesson I learned here is fast food wants to kill me, but drinking wine and eating cheese and chocolate is essential to living. At the request of science, I am moving forward with this recommendation.


Disclaimer: Do not depend on wine, cheese, and chocolate to keep your body living. No food actually wants to kill you. There is more to it than that. Also, there was only one professor mentioned here (Tim Spector). We just love him so much, the pet names got out of hand.

About the author

The Lady Wine Gifted

My name is Jessica Trejo, and I'm not afraid to admit that I drink. That's why I'm Wine Gifted. I like talking and writing about wine and drinking!


Leave a Comment